The weekend was weird, its like I felt nothing...no cramps, no nothing but I was SO tired. I barely had the energy to get dressed. On Sunday I didnt get dressed until almost FOUR PM! Shhh though don't tell my mom-I didn't get up for church either. I sat around, literally ALL DAY LONG. My house is so quiet with out Princess there. It's strange to not be inturrupted in mid conversation with Mr. Pod, or getting to sleep the entire night without hearing the sentence "my night night won't rub!" (definition, the silky part of the blanket has turned inside out and I can no longer rub it between my fingers to sooth me...fix it mommy!". I sure miss her being around. I know she is having a blast though, and her auntie and Duchess have been nice enough to keep me posted on their happenings for the day as well as a nightly phone call from my little one.
Tomorrow I have my second OB appointment. I am hoping it will go well-I almost have this indifference right now, it's just unreal to me STILL. I feel like I can't get too attached just yet...I find myself smiling when I read things like about the size of the pea or that the pea now has formed this body part, or has started this function but, I quickly stop myself for some odd reason. It's almost like I am over the top cautiously optimistic. My mind is plagued with thoughts of, what if this or what if that happens or worse yet what if this ISN'T supposed to be happening to me. Mr. Pod is so excited, and he says things all of the time that make me SO grateful that he is my husband. He is already completely over the moon about this pregnancy and very well he should be...I am thankful for that, I just wish I too could get on board! I am almost a little bit ashamed that I am not letting myself be more excited about all of this than I actually am. Perhaps I am just waiting, for what I do not know. I feel like I just can't let myself be TOO excited. I wonder to myself, is this normal?
I am hoping for a better U/S picture, and I am hoping I will actually remember my list of questions I wanted to ask LAST time. And, more over I am hoping I don't start sobbing again like a blubbering idiot like last time (what you say I didnt mention that in previous posts??? Hmmmm wonder why)! Mostly I am HOPEFUL for a good report. Something to help me make this more real...something to get me through the next four weeks. I am hoping for some change to The Pea, growth....a strong heartbeat, answers to the things I neglected to ask last time, such as how big is it, whats the heart rate, is that good? Not just me lying there going DUH. ;) I just want The Pea to still be there, I want to know everything is ok! Every little bit of reassurance right now is what I need. It just needs to become MORE REAL for me.
Make no mistake, I am thrilled that I am going to have a baby. I just think I am still in shock. If I had an endless supply of HPT's I would probably still be POS on a daily basis (don't give me any ideas!). But, under strict orders from my peers, I have been told DO NOT temp...DO NOT test, you will only make yourself crazy. But alas, I have made myself crazy with out taking these nuggets of advice! Oh I am my own worst enemy!
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